Thank you to everyone that has supported me so far in this weight loss journey...family, friends and
co-workers. Many times we (meaning me) do not like to ask those closest to us for help. I did not realize that this blog was the start of asking for help. The blog was only the start, I have stepped out of my comfort zone and have reached out for help. For example: I have reached out to Mom during one of my weak moments on Tuesday and she was there to talk me through the weak moment. I have told my co-workers what junk food that I have been craving and they say "Kathy...you are doing so good. The food really doesn't taste that good anyway." My sister tells me after I step off of the scale with no weight loss..."Kathy...keep it up you are looking great." One of my besties and I went to get a massage together rather than our normal French Restaurant outing. One of the friends that I made at the support group that I went to last month invited me to walk at the Mall. Mike has been doing great on the diet and has been an excellent support system as well as an inspiration by his dedication to taking off the weight.
Everyone (I mean everyone-didn't know I had so many fans :))that has read this blog has supported me in one way, shape or form. The comments on the blog, the comments on facebook, emails and phone calls have meant more to me than any amount of money. Many of you have congratulated me on taking the first steps of this journey. I would not have been able to do it without each and every one of you.
The support system has been effective as I have been sticking to my diet and with each day I am forgetting just a little bit how good that Starbucks breakfast sandwich is or the foot long coney tastes. With other diets I went into the diet not knowing when/if there will be results. I am able to adhere to this diet better because even though I have not had the surgery yet, I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
"What are We Going To Do Now?"
This goes out to my "little brother (who got the skinny genes)."
He asked me yesterday...Kathy, "What are we going to do now?" I knew exactly what he meant without having to ask him what he meant. It's really sad that my family has revolved almost everything around food-not sure if it's a Belizean tradition (I'm first generation American) and/or a New Orleans tradition. As a family, Mita (my mom), Papa(dad), Tio John (brother), Mary (John's girlfriend), Daddy (Mike), Finn and I all need to think of things that we can do as a family that may include Food but where Food is not the focus. We use food for everything...rewards, comforts, appreciation, love and the list goes on and on. We need to delve deeper into discovering healthier/active options for the betterment of us all. This surgery is not only affecting my life but also my family members in ways that I had not thought of.
He asked me yesterday...Kathy, "What are we going to do now?" I knew exactly what he meant without having to ask him what he meant. It's really sad that my family has revolved almost everything around food-not sure if it's a Belizean tradition (I'm first generation American) and/or a New Orleans tradition. As a family, Mita (my mom), Papa(dad), Tio John (brother), Mary (John's girlfriend), Daddy (Mike), Finn and I all need to think of things that we can do as a family that may include Food but where Food is not the focus. We use food for everything...rewards, comforts, appreciation, love and the list goes on and on. We need to delve deeper into discovering healthier/active options for the betterment of us all. This surgery is not only affecting my life but also my family members in ways that I had not thought of.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Day 2 of Liquid Diet
Tired, Headachy, light headed (I can't walk around too fast) are just a few adjectives that explain how my day is going so far. Kind of a doom and gloom day in my head. Not as excited at all like yesterday except for the fact that I lost 5 pounds in 1 day, this is the only thing that is keeping me going. Although Mike is bouncing off of the walls with excitement which is good and bad (I'm not a morning person). For those of you that thought that I went to bed early before this, I've reached an all time early bedtime--7:30. Right now it's one of my coping mechanisms so that I do not feel the need to munch at night.
Kind of funny what I do want to eat now...Chicken breast and cheddar cheese. It's a matter of the games that are going on in my head.
For example: "Why couldn't I have eaten the right things (craved Chicken breast and cheese) to begin with then I wouldn't be in this position?" These are the thoughts that have sabotaged my diets before because with me it is all or nothing. I could not go out to Superior Grill and get the Tuna with a side of vegetables. Are you kidding me? Who could pass up the queso and those delicious flour tortillas?
My new take on this thought is---I am doing the right thing now by making a permanent decision to change my eating habits both the quality and the quantity.
When I look at the first sentence of this blog--I realize that I felt some of the same feelings before this liquid diet because of my poor choices. Now, I am doing this with a goal/purpose ahead of me. I may yo-yo up and down in the future but not by twenty-five or fifty pounds.
Kind of funny what I do want to eat now...Chicken breast and cheddar cheese. It's a matter of the games that are going on in my head.
For example: "Why couldn't I have eaten the right things (craved Chicken breast and cheese) to begin with then I wouldn't be in this position?" These are the thoughts that have sabotaged my diets before because with me it is all or nothing. I could not go out to Superior Grill and get the Tuna with a side of vegetables. Are you kidding me? Who could pass up the queso and those delicious flour tortillas?
My new take on this thought is---I am doing the right thing now by making a permanent decision to change my eating habits both the quality and the quantity.
When I look at the first sentence of this blog--I realize that I felt some of the same feelings before this liquid diet because of my poor choices. Now, I am doing this with a goal/purpose ahead of me. I may yo-yo up and down in the future but not by twenty-five or fifty pounds.
Monday, June 27, 2011
A New Chapter Has Begun
Today starts the first page of the new chapter in my life. This morning was the first time that I experienced excitement about my new lifestyle of living healthy by starting with a totally liquid diet. This liquid diet includes protein shakes and clear liquids such as Crystal Light only. My wonderful husband is actually doing the liquid diet with me and he is excited as well. I have started the liquid diet today feeling assured that I have made the right decision as I am not miserable, irritable or envious of others that are eating normally around me.
This past weekend was a farewell party to all of my favorite foods: Pizza, Ice Cream, Stella!(The most expensive meal that I have ever had-we did the tasting), Superior Grill's fajitas and queso, Bakers' Dozen's hot glazed doughnuts and Steak. Sounds delicious but no longer a staple of my new diet and I'm not really upset about it today(at this moment-anyway :)). It's been nice not having to think about what I am going to eat, my options are really limited and it's not bothering me.
A good friend, a teacher, of mine mentioned something that hit home with me today and has now become my inspiration. Her daughter once told her that her students get the best part of her during the day and that she (her daughter), only gets what's left over. I started thinking about that and how it applies to my life. When I get home from work I'm so exhausted that all that I have to give Finn and Mike is what is left over from what I have given my boss, my customers and my employees. The leftovers would be fine if it meant doing more than sitting on the couch. I can hear Finn's little voice (not to me anymore because he knows that Mommy is tired and doesn't want to go out in the sweltering heat) ask his daddy.."outside Daddy, outside." It's really not fair that I do not have much to give him physically (other than hugs and kisses because those are always abundant)- not because of the stressors at work but because I was putting the wrong fuel/sludge/diesel into my body and not taking care of it by exercising. I have so much more to give my family then by teaching my son all of my bad eating habits. I have life lessons, my love and my spirituality to give him as well as healthy eating habits and a life full of taking care of his body.
This past weekend was a farewell party to all of my favorite foods: Pizza, Ice Cream, Stella!(The most expensive meal that I have ever had-we did the tasting), Superior Grill's fajitas and queso, Bakers' Dozen's hot glazed doughnuts and Steak. Sounds delicious but no longer a staple of my new diet and I'm not really upset about it today(at this moment-anyway :)). It's been nice not having to think about what I am going to eat, my options are really limited and it's not bothering me.
A good friend, a teacher, of mine mentioned something that hit home with me today and has now become my inspiration. Her daughter once told her that her students get the best part of her during the day and that she (her daughter), only gets what's left over. I started thinking about that and how it applies to my life. When I get home from work I'm so exhausted that all that I have to give Finn and Mike is what is left over from what I have given my boss, my customers and my employees. The leftovers would be fine if it meant doing more than sitting on the couch. I can hear Finn's little voice (not to me anymore because he knows that Mommy is tired and doesn't want to go out in the sweltering heat) ask his daddy.."outside Daddy, outside." It's really not fair that I do not have much to give him physically (other than hugs and kisses because those are always abundant)- not because of the stressors at work but because I was putting the wrong fuel/sludge/diesel into my body and not taking care of it by exercising. I have so much more to give my family then by teaching my son all of my bad eating habits. I have life lessons, my love and my spirituality to give him as well as healthy eating habits and a life full of taking care of his body.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
New Orleans....We have a Surgery Date!!!
Cardiologist-check, Psychologist-check, Internist-Check, Dietician-Check, Endocrinologist-Check. I have been cleared for surgery and have a date, July 11, 2011. That's the good news---2 weeks. Surprisingly I am indifferent at the moment, not nervous, not excited, it's kind of like I know it's coming but am mourning in a way (although not letting myself enjoy the anticipation.)
Right now it feels exactly like the last few weeks before Finn was born when I was mourning the fact that Mike and I would never just be "Mike and I" ever again. I am doing that with my comfort foods. I'm trying to get all of my favorite foods in before starting my liquid diet on Monday (Please forgive me if I am a little irritable over the next couple of weeks). Little did I know that one chapter of life was over and one of the best chapters was just beginning. I imagine that the weeks after the gastro procedure will be similar as well to the few weeks after having him--an adjustment period--emotional and unchartered waters, a learning experience. I am so excited that another chapter of my life will begin but am mourning the unhealthy lifestyle that was my life. It will be a period of adjustment, a time to learn a different way to live.
Right now it feels exactly like the last few weeks before Finn was born when I was mourning the fact that Mike and I would never just be "Mike and I" ever again. I am doing that with my comfort foods. I'm trying to get all of my favorite foods in before starting my liquid diet on Monday (Please forgive me if I am a little irritable over the next couple of weeks). Little did I know that one chapter of life was over and one of the best chapters was just beginning. I imagine that the weeks after the gastro procedure will be similar as well to the few weeks after having him--an adjustment period--emotional and unchartered waters, a learning experience. I am so excited that another chapter of my life will begin but am mourning the unhealthy lifestyle that was my life. It will be a period of adjustment, a time to learn a different way to live.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Living to Eat rather than Eating to Live
So now that I'm being open...I'm gonna open it up all the way!!! This weight loss journey is more that just what goes in my mouth- it has to do with what is going on in my brain. For this reason I have to find out what makes me eat what I eat when I eat. If I do not work on self-reflection, I will end up sabotaging myself even after the surgery.
I used to be an Oprah junkie(until I couldn't take her interrupting her guests*anyway*) She would have shows with guests that had weight loss surgery. One particular show featured guests who had weight loss surgery who had transferred their Food Addiction to Alcohol Addictions. One of the main reasons that they became alcoholics was because they could have multiple buzz(es?) in a short period of time with obviously small amounts of alcohol. I do not want to develop another addiction after semi-fixing the weight problem because if I do that, I will only address part of the problem which is what I put in my mouth not why I put it in my mouth (the brain part).
The why part has to do with almost every human emotion. I eat because I'm happy, sad, stressed, feelings of guilt, self-punishment, shame, etc... I'm working on figuring out this part. I know the whys but am working on figuring out different ways to deal with them other than by using food. Food can be disguised as love, a reward and comfort. Especially in New Orleans where we live to eat rather than eat to live, we incorporate Food in almost 98% (no scentific evidence to prove this) of our social occasions. Even as I am typing this, I am planning dinner dates with friends.Hmmmm....I have a whole lifetime ahead of me to change the behaviors that I have adapted over the last 31 years. Prayers would be appreciated, God knows I need them.:)
I used to be an Oprah junkie(until I couldn't take her interrupting her guests*anyway*) She would have shows with guests that had weight loss surgery. One particular show featured guests who had weight loss surgery who had transferred their Food Addiction to Alcohol Addictions. One of the main reasons that they became alcoholics was because they could have multiple buzz(es?) in a short period of time with obviously small amounts of alcohol. I do not want to develop another addiction after semi-fixing the weight problem because if I do that, I will only address part of the problem which is what I put in my mouth not why I put it in my mouth (the brain part).
The why part has to do with almost every human emotion. I eat because I'm happy, sad, stressed, feelings of guilt, self-punishment, shame, etc... I'm working on figuring out this part. I know the whys but am working on figuring out different ways to deal with them other than by using food. Food can be disguised as love, a reward and comfort. Especially in New Orleans where we live to eat rather than eat to live, we incorporate Food in almost 98% (no scentific evidence to prove this) of our social occasions. Even as I am typing this, I am planning dinner dates with friends.Hmmmm....I have a whole lifetime ahead of me to change the behaviors that I have adapted over the last 31 years. Prayers would be appreciated, God knows I need them.:)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
"What exactly are you having?"
Many people have asked, "What kind of surgery are you having?" I am having the Gastric Sleeve. This is a relatively new procedure that has had positive results with many patients. I am choosing this procedure because it is not as invasive as the Gastric Bypass (the stomach is made into a pouch and the intestines are reworked/reattached) and it doesn't involve a foreign object permamently placed in my body (Gastric Lap Band Procedure) which gets tighten over time.
The added benefits are that I will eventually be able to eat regular foods again but in obviously smaller quatities. Also, the part of the stomach that excretes the hormone ghrelin, which is responsible for cravings and feeling hungry, is removed in the section of the stomach that is cut off from the sleeve (please see illustration).
Fat does not discriminate
Today was my first Group Sharing Session. Once a month patients who are thinking about having bariatric surgery as well as those who have had surgery get together for an hour to share thoughts, ideas, suggestions on coping with the lifestyle change that they may have taken or are contemplating. When I say that Fat does not discriminate, I'm talking about across the board. At the meeting there were women, men (well 1 man), young people, old people, white people, black people, Hispanic (me), WASPS, straight people, gay people, poor people, well off people- every walk of life was represented at the session. The only thing that tied us all together was our Fat (why do I capitalize the F--why do I give that word a proper deliniation). We all shared the same struggles with weight and all talked about the ups and downs we had all experienced over the years. One lady mentioned that she had lost 100 pounds then gained 200 pounds back (I could not help but Gasp to myself--200 pounds?? OMG). To see her at the meeting no one could have ever imagined. She's in shape and petite (I couldn't even have pictured her to be unhealthy).
Sometimes we can judge others by what they look like. At the meeting, it was like everyone who was there was a friend. Kind of funny how perfect strangers can look into your life and understand what you have been going through more than a best friend, a husband or a mother.
Sometimes I think that I have a big heart and it is a disadvantage but not tonight. Tonight I felt fulfilled and my decision was validated. I felt for everyone at the meeting. I have told a few of my closest friends that I feel a warming sensation come over my body every once in a while and some type of feeling or message has to be passed on (obviously the Holy Spirit) and I am compelled to tell them that I had no idea where that came from. The only phrase that I can use to describe this overwhelming sense of love is "My cup overflows."
For those of you that are worried about me or for me, please keep in mind that I have a better chance of being here for my family with the surgery rather than without.
I could totally identify with the now petite woman. I know that if I do not have the surgery...300 pounds will be right around the corner. No matter the race, sex or SES...everyone could identify with one another on the FAT level and those that had the surgery stated with resounding certainty that no matter the struggle of the life style change they would most definetly have the surgery again. 'Nuff said!
Sometimes we can judge others by what they look like. At the meeting, it was like everyone who was there was a friend. Kind of funny how perfect strangers can look into your life and understand what you have been going through more than a best friend, a husband or a mother.
Sometimes I think that I have a big heart and it is a disadvantage but not tonight. Tonight I felt fulfilled and my decision was validated. I felt for everyone at the meeting. I have told a few of my closest friends that I feel a warming sensation come over my body every once in a while and some type of feeling or message has to be passed on (obviously the Holy Spirit) and I am compelled to tell them that I had no idea where that came from. The only phrase that I can use to describe this overwhelming sense of love is "My cup overflows."
For those of you that are worried about me or for me, please keep in mind that I have a better chance of being here for my family with the surgery rather than without.
I could totally identify with the now petite woman. I know that if I do not have the surgery...300 pounds will be right around the corner. No matter the race, sex or SES...everyone could identify with one another on the FAT level and those that had the surgery stated with resounding certainty that no matter the struggle of the life style change they would most definetly have the surgery again. 'Nuff said!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Changing Seasons
I have to lose 17 pounds before surgery (this is to remove the fat from around my organs). That's like telling me to lose 100 pounds before surgery. I have yo-yo'd up and down so many times in my life. I've heard that losing weight and gaining weight over and over can lead to diabetes. I sometimes think that that is what happened to me? Who knows genetics, food choices-everything seemed to not be in my favor. Anyway I have to lose weight before I have to have surgery to lose weight, I mean really doesn't that sound moronic to you?
Those psychological games that I play with myself goes like this:
You can lose the weight(Cheerleader in my head is cheering me on).
This attitude can last up to a full week-See below (I wrote this 2 days ago):
I have lost 5 pounds this week!! I'm excited and am trying to stay on track. Getting started is usually not the problem, it is staying on track that is my problem. I'm enjoying the healthier choices that I am making as far as food is concerned.Sugars are in check and I am feeling great. I'm hoping that the excercise will soon follow suit. I may be able to do this on my own!! I'm losing weight, I can do this (Seeing myself in my head-I may not even need the surgery?!?)
-----then------
Today:
What the heck was I thinking? I need help beyond my control.... I can't believe I let myself down again. I ate chocolate. I'm craving unhealthy food and have eaten some unhealthy food.
This attitude begins to invade my work (not as confident as I should be), my relationships (I may not return your phone calls) and my home life (I can't get up off of the sofa to bathe my son, fix dinner, do laundry, clean my house.)
The reality is that I need help because this cycle can happen once a week or even daily. I can't do this on my own.
Those psychological games that I play with myself goes like this:
You can lose the weight(Cheerleader in my head is cheering me on).
This attitude can last up to a full week-See below (I wrote this 2 days ago):
I have lost 5 pounds this week!! I'm excited and am trying to stay on track. Getting started is usually not the problem, it is staying on track that is my problem. I'm enjoying the healthier choices that I am making as far as food is concerned.Sugars are in check and I am feeling great. I'm hoping that the excercise will soon follow suit. I may be able to do this on my own!! I'm losing weight, I can do this (Seeing myself in my head-I may not even need the surgery?!?)
-----then------
Today:
What the heck was I thinking? I need help beyond my control.... I can't believe I let myself down again. I ate chocolate. I'm craving unhealthy food and have eaten some unhealthy food.
This attitude begins to invade my work (not as confident as I should be), my relationships (I may not return your phone calls) and my home life (I can't get up off of the sofa to bathe my son, fix dinner, do laundry, clean my house.)
The reality is that I need help because this cycle can happen once a week or even daily. I can't do this on my own.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Agonizing Weight
Blood Tests, Chest X-Ray, EKG, Echo, Dietician and Psych Eval. (I'm not crazy by the way) are all done and everything is a go so far. I'm amazed at how fast this process can actually take if you do not go through insurance. Everyone has been asking me "When is your surgery? I need to mark it on my calendar." All I can say is that your guess is as good as mine. I can not nail down the date for the life of me and anyone who knows me at all knows that I have to have a plan and be in control of that plan (anything that is not fully handled by God of course and even then I try to control that too). So far the week of July 4th looks like a definite possibility so says Jennifer, my nurse.
I've cut out 99% of the fast food (my stress therapy) and have seen a significant decrease in my blood sugar. I do not even want to tell you guys what my Hemoglobin A1C (a test that is used to determine an average of what your blood sugar has been running for the last 3 months) was when they did the blood tests. Let's just say it scared me into next year.
I've started experimenting with protein shakes and have come across 1 that I really like--Muscle Milk.
It is a good meal replacement and curbs my hunger. I have a feeling that we will become fast friends.
Most of you know that this has been a struggle my whole life. I'm ready to get this surgery underway, ready for a lifestyle change. Thankfully food is not the only good thing in New Orleans-maybe I will be able to tolerate the hot festivals better. Hmmmmm.....wonder if my sweating will decrease? With my luck, it probably has nothing to do with the extra insulation that I'm carrying around. One can only hope!
I've cut out 99% of the fast food (my stress therapy) and have seen a significant decrease in my blood sugar. I do not even want to tell you guys what my Hemoglobin A1C (a test that is used to determine an average of what your blood sugar has been running for the last 3 months) was when they did the blood tests. Let's just say it scared me into next year.
I've started experimenting with protein shakes and have come across 1 that I really like--Muscle Milk.
It is a good meal replacement and curbs my hunger. I have a feeling that we will become fast friends.
Most of you know that this has been a struggle my whole life. I'm ready to get this surgery underway, ready for a lifestyle change. Thankfully food is not the only good thing in New Orleans-maybe I will be able to tolerate the hot festivals better. Hmmmmm.....wonder if my sweating will decrease? With my luck, it probably has nothing to do with the extra insulation that I'm carrying around. One can only hope!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)