Shopping is the New Food

It's amazing how much effort I had to put into everything that I did when I was 20 pounds heavier or 50 pounds lighter (still overweight). Being overweight is exhausting mentally and physically.

Mentally-When I would get a compliment on my clothing..I would hope that none of my skinny friends or family would ask where I got my outfit. Because I have been in denial I would not want to say one of the plus size clothing stores. When I was in high school and having to get my pants at Lane Bryant...I was mortified to pass a shop where I knew someone was working so as not to let them see the name on the bag that I was carrying. My mom would let me put my bags inside her bags so that no one would know where I had been. I would lie to some of my closest friends about where I would get some of my clothes because I was embarrassed to tell them the truth. Eventually as I got older and made more money, I was able to shop at Macys, Dillards and Talbots all of which have all sizes so I could feel confident saying either one of those stores.

Physically-I never went shopping with my friends because they were all skinny. I have always shopped alone due to the stores they shopped at not having my size and vice versa. I was embarrassed to go into stores with them and not be able to shop for myself.  In retrospect, the isolation only fueled the eating and the denial.

I'm now starting a new outlook on shopping: "Shopping is the New Food"
I have started letting Mike shop with me. I go into the store, pick out what I like and model for him.
Just this weekend, I was so excited when I went shopping that I pulled the 2 sizes down from what I was wearing before surgery. The lowest size actually was a little big on me....this actually felt as good on my body and in my mind as the queso from Superior Grill tastes. I was ecstatic!! Being able to fit in the smaller jeans made all of the sacrifice worth it.

If you are wondering how I'm gonna afford all this new clothes....
When I was heavier, I would buy clothes and they would stay in my closet with the tags on. I had hundreds of  dollars of clothes in my closet that no one has ever seen--it was a waste. I was using the clothes to cover up my body and to keep myself in denial. No matter how expensive the clothes or how much clothes I had bought..nothing made me feel as good as I feel now. Now, I am slowly building a new wardrobe that fits my changing body.